What is the difference between having sex and making love?

I am sometimes asked do you have to love somebody to make love to them? There is no simple answer to that, it’s a bit like the classic response “Well, yes and no.”

For me the most important thing about having sex or making love is that you have to enjoy it. You know how many things you can do when you’re turned on? You can have sex in the plane, on the swing in the playground, under the stand at a football match. You can have sex in the cloakroom when you take off your clothes and say “Can you hold me for a minute.” This minute can be much more fun than an hour in the bed which can be bloody boring. Sex for me has to be exciting.

When you’re making sex and coming it’s all “Oh that’s wonderful my love, did you feel it too, can you do it quicker”. But if you’re making love with somebody you care about and you come, or even when you don’t even come, you still have that feeling inside, you’re together with your bodies and your minds. I don’t know how or why but with that togetherness you just know how the other body is feeling, how its gasping for air, how both hearts are pumping, coming closer and closer together until you’re fused into one. Afterwards you’re not thinking “Oh my hair looks terrible”, or “I didn’t realise the time, oh I have to go!” You just lie there and feel the energy in your body, in your mind and in the air all around you. That’s the difference for me.

The biggest problem with sex and with making love is that there is too much pressure put on people to perform. Men think they have to be as big as totem poles, that they have to make love to the woman like a horse. It’s just crazy. I don’t know any woman in the world who wants that.

What you do in a porn movie is not making love, its having sex. You have a group, you do the scene, you don’t care about anything and afterwards you wash your hands and say my “God that was great,” or “Oh my God, I need to go to bed after that.” A group orgy for the camera can still be cool. Every time we produce different hormones that all come together. This is for having sex, ideally with orgasms thrown in as a bonus, but it’s not for making love. Orgasms make your body feel great but they do not necessarily leave you with any lasting real happiness inside. But sex without an orgasm is like a sandwich without the filling, a balloon without air, a song without a tune

I like to try everything that comes into my mind. When you see me you know something is in the air but you don’t quite know what it might be.

One year I was living with a girlfriend, we had a beautiful relationship together. After I finished dating with a crazy male asshole I decided I didn’t need any more men to complicate my love life for a while. At night we were two girls on the town, wearing sexy tops and short skirts. Underneath I had my strap-on. We’d take a walk in the city, “Oh my love, what you think, we do it here?” We had sex outside whenever we felt like it. One morning we went together to the bakery to buy bread. The baker was in the back. “I want you” I said “I want you too” she said. We had sex on the floor, in between the bread rolls and the cakes, in front of the counter, before most people were awake. It was beautiful, sexy and so warm. Afterwards we went back home to bed. The baker would have been happy if he ever found out what we did with his bread rolls before we ate them for lunch.

That’s what sex should be all about, enjoyment, excitement and surprise surprise for everyone involved.

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