Studies have shown that up to 40% of all women never experience an orgasm during sex. If this is true there is something seriously wrong with what’s happening toduring sex. So how can the man improve his performance to give a woman an orgasm every time? This is my advice to all you guys out there.
1. Be relaxed and find the most comfortable and sexiest positions
All sex starts in the mind which drives the body onward and upward. For good sex you have to relax and trust your partner. It’s not good if you are hungry, if you need to go in the toilet, if you have to think about work, if you want to rush off when you are finished. Leave all that behind and let the body go where the mind and your partner leads it. Take the time, clear your mind except for sex, make yourself comfortable and make the moment last.
2. The man has to be well groomed.
Pay attention to general appearance, hygiene, body odour and being properly shaved. Remember that rough facial stubble can hurt the woman and make close physical contact very uncomfortable. Oral hygiene is an absolute must. Hands have to be well manicured and nails trimmed.
3. First impressions are important.
When a couple meet, the man should smile, be happy, show that there is nowhere else in the world he wants to be. He can undress the woman with his eyes and let her know that he is the tiger about to be let loose in the room.
4. A woman likes to be caressed gently and firmly.
The man should take the woman in his arms, softly at first and then more strongly. A friendly greeting or light hearted small-talk adds to the pleasure. The woman likes when he holds her hand against her breast and puts his arm around her waist. That touch around the waist is sexually arousing and clearly signals that the man wants the woman close to him.
5. Always treat the woman with love and affection.
How a man takes a woman to the bed can vary according to the particular man, the woman, and the situation. He can lead her gently or he can be more proactive to the point of pulling off the clothes and throwing her into the bed, with her approval of course. But whichever way he chooses he should still show her love and affection from start to finish.
6. Good foreplay makes for great sex.
Kissing should start slowly and build gradually and erotically. The man should kiss her lips, her neck, her breasts and gradually work his way down her body, kissing and licking, feeling and massaging with the hands, until he reaches the vagina and opens it up like a flower.
7. A woman’s erogenous zones can vary with hormone changes and individual circumstances.
The fact that a woman experiences a period every month results in hormone changes on a daily or weekly basis which can affect every part of her body. These can make her more or less responsive at different times of the month. Before a woman gets her period the nipples can become very sensitive so she can experience more pain than pleasure at times
8. Cosmetic surgery can also affect erogenous zones
Many women have cosmetic surgery such as breast implants or botox treatment which can affect sensitivity and responsiveness during sex. Every woman can have a different experience of this, some resulting in heightened body sensitivities while others partly lose their sense of touch. However they can still enjoy sex to the full if the man knows and understands how to vary his foreplay accordingly. Listen to the woman and to her body at all times and concentrate foreplay where she displays most pleasure and enjoyment.
9. Both parties should be conscious of what their partner likes to do most during sex
Everyone differs in what gives them most sexual pleasure. For instance the man usually loves to have his penis stroked, licked, sucked or even swallowed. If this is happening women often prefer to be positioned a bit separate from the man. The 69 position is not really the woman’s natural position. It is usually more comfortable and exciting for the man. The woman cannot really feel relaxed and enjoy her own sexual pleasure if she is also busy performing oral sex on the man at the other end. If a man thinks about this, he can be more relaxed when someone is sucking his penis and he can close his eyes, lie back and prolong the moment. One way to please the man and the woman is to start oral sex from the side or the front, allowing the woman to enjoy her maximum pleasure and gradually working up to the classic 69 position.
10. A woman’s clitoris deserves as much attention as a man’s penis.
The clitoris is easily located on the top wall of the vagina. A little further on the famous G Spot is waiting to be discovered but I have dealt with that in a separate blog already.
A woman’s clitoris looks quite like a small penis and works in a similar way. It should be stroked or caressed with the fingers or the tongue but not with the teeth. A lot of men quickly move to stimulate the clitoris with their fingers from inside the vagina, but a woman prefers not to do this. Stimulation of the clitoris should start with the tongue from outside the vagina. It’s only when the clitoris stiffens and becomes harder and the vagina becomes wet that a man should start to use his fingers for stimulation. It is best to do this slowly, giving plenty of time to make this part of sex as enjoyable as possible for the woman. The man can play with the clitoris with his tongue just like licking an ice-cream or sucking a finger in his mouth. I can assure everyone that the clitoris is much tastier than sucking your finger. The man can move the tongue around the clitoris in much the same way that he likes to have his penis licked. When the tongue moves under or around the clitoris there are not so many nerves to easily stimulate so it is better to also use two fingers at this stage.
11. Know when to move on from foreplay to the next stage.
By now the man should have stroked the woman almost like stroking a cat, the way I stroke my beautiful Romoletto, and the woman should be purring or groaning like Romoletto does. The use of two fingers can quickly bring the clitoris and the vagina to the point where it wants something bigger. It’s time for the penis to start performing. A woman loves when the penis is introduced into her vagina slowly and confidently, right up to the hilt until it can go no further Then the two bodies can start to work as one together. The introduction and the foreplay should have prepared well for what follows. From here the sky is the limit. The man can take his penis out a bit, put it back in, move it around finding all the right pressure points and the resting places. He can be faster or slower, he can change the position, always aware and responsive to the woman’s body Quite often a woman likes when the man starts on top, so as to feel how the man can dominate.
12. Aim to please your partner as well as yourself.
There are usually two people involved in the act of sex, but we can also enjoy it when more than two people share the experience or the bed together. When your partner is loving the sex you will automatically love it too. There is nothing in this world better than sharing an orgasm, but don’t be disappointed if that does not always happen. What is more important is that both partners enjoy sex to the limit and finish up exhausted and fulfilled.
13. Keep the pleasure going for as long as possible
When she starts to have an orgasm, don’t even dream of stopping. On the contrary that is the time to keep going and give it everything you’ve got. As she starts to come down from the orgasm continue to stroke, lick or rub around the clitoris but she will become more sensitive so be aware of this. If the woman can have the first orgasm with the clitoris, her mind and body is then relaxed and happy. This often allows the couple to do more than just normal sex. The body and mind opens up to lots of possibilities. Anal sex quite often becomes a possibility, you can experiment, even to the point of giving her some pain which can bring her higher and make her more adventurous and risk taking. Feel your way forward together, it’s always the best way to enjoy sex
14. Take the time to share a little après-sex
To finish off it is important that the man and woman relax together for some time, that they can lie in each other’s arms, talk about what they have just done together, kiss some more, thank each other and don’t be slow to tell your partner how much you love her. Enjoy the simple but beautiful pleasure of post-coital bliss or what I prefer to call Après-sex
15. Talk openly about sex as often as possible.
Too many people are embarrassed to talk about their sexual performance or their sexual preferences. It is perfectly normal that couples do not know or do everything right from the start, but talking openly about sex is the best way any couple can improve their sex life. While immediately after sex may not be the best time to talk about sex, there will be lots of other opportunities when you can enjoy it. Ask simple questions like “Do you like when I do that?” “Should I do it stronger?” “Which way do you prefer that I do it?” After that practise makes perfect, so enjoy your next sexual adventure.